God the Frog Smiter

So, I'm cleaning the skimmers in my pool yesterday. I see a frog there. He's belly up, but looks fat and old. He probably had a decent life and got to pass on his DNA. (Even frogs deserve to get laid). O well. After disposing of him and the leaves I see another small shiney dark green frog swimming at the bottom of the skimmer: the basket is still in my hand, so if the frog isn't careful, it will be sucked down into the pipes for about 40 ft and several right angled bends, only to be drowned in the pump. In a manner completely out of my character, I run to the shed to turn off the pump. I return to find the frog gone. I check the skimmer flap to see if he is hiding there, which is where he probably was when I first took the basket out. Nope. Damn. So, I got to the pump. Open it up. He's not in that basket either. I cannot believe that he could be liquified that quickly. He must be stuck in the pipes. I wait to see if he has the intelligence to swim in one direction of the other. Again, nope. So I close up the pump and turn it on for a minute. I then stop it, and open it up again. Lo and behold, the little bastard is in the pump. I take out the basket and dump him in the garden and he hops away. I bask in the glory of my good karma. Even God, should he exist, would have to be pleased with me. (I believe he has had a fondness for frogs ever since the plague-thing in Egypt.)

Today, I was working in my front yard and what did I see? A little shiny dark green frog squished flat just behind my driver's side rear tire. I can't be sure it is the same frog, but it sure looks like him. God, you are indeed a fucking bastard! I can respect that, especially since I suspect you never let this poor bugger get laid. I'm not sure what message you are trying to send to the frogs of this world, but clearly they need to hop their little green asses to frog-church/synagogue/temple/mosque, get down on their knees, and do some serious praying.